a running theme

In the past week to ten days, I have had at least 7-10 people of varying acquaintance and familiarity levels in my life make mention to me the importance of “self-care.” Or, if it hasn’t initially been phrased with those exact words, I’ve been asked what my “hobbies” are or “what I do for fun.”

Um, to those questions I reply with a blank stare, a bit of drool, a grunt and the verbal response of, “Huh??”

I suppose blogging is a hobby for me and a definite outlet for me to get rid of all my B.S. into the digital abyss where it doesn’t feel like it’s really hurting anyone. So *that* feels  like self-care. But I don’t even get a chance to do this regularly. And as far as other hobby-type things or things I like to do? For myself? Alone? Come on! When???? At 4 o’clock in the morning, before both the birds and the sun have awoken? We live in a safe neighborhood, but no place is THAT safe to be goin’ out for a jog!

Here are the things I would LIKE to do, and the reasons why I can’t or don’t. Call them excuses and then blow it out your ass. They are my reasons. Plain and simple.

  1. I would LOVE to start my yoga practice again. I get addicted to Yoga and I can just do it in my house with YouTube videos and free stuff my kids could find for me. Reason why not: excruciating left shoulder injury that I’m still waiting to get more injections to try to calm it down. Can’t even do a child’s pose. It’s sad.
  2. I want to start getting up very early (not that early, really) maybe 530 am and walking my dog for longer and longer distances, then eventually walk/run/walk/run, etc., until I feel like I can start running again. Reason why not: I’m lazy and having an incredibly hard time getting out of bed on time. (Terrible reason. Just get out of bed, lazy dipshit!!)
  3. I have art journaling and different kinds of art work that I love doing. I have a craft table that doubles as my desk and I love it. The art makes me feel creative and light and free. Reason why not: I feel completely guilty when I should be cleaning the house.

Guilt, Guilt, Guilt.

So…how do you get over the guilt of putting yourself first and how do you firmly believe in the mindset that if you don’t make yourself your first priority and don’t take care of yourself first, you can’t truly love and take care of your beloved family? Guilt has controlled so much of my life. I don’t know how to break away. And I think that if I could, I might be able to flip this mindset and start taking care of my mental and physical body.

How do you do it, mamas? Comment below!!

much love and gratitude,

mama kate

1 thought on “a running theme

  1. To get over the guilt, I suggest you focus on taking the DOG out for a walk once a week. That way, you’ll remove the guilt b/c you’re walking for your dog’s sake but you’re getting your much deserved walk in too. Also, don’t focus on the build up to running with the dog. Tackle that after you’re comfortable with doing the long walk on your schedule (this will reduce the feelings of being overwhelmed.)
    Second, remind yourself that if you do things for yourself then your daughters will notice and will do things for themselves too. Just picture yourself 10 or 15 years from now encouraging your daughters to take care of themselves b/c they’re spreading themselves too thin. It’ll help that they see you do the same.
    Lastly, it’s all about family support. I thought i’d never have time to go to the gym b/c i need to take care of my family. My husband blatantly told me he can handle the house for an hour while I’m at the gym. The world won’t crumble b/c you chose to exercise. Good luck!

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